We are not broken. We are tired of carrying expectations that disconnect us from our true self.
Healing begins not with fixing, but to just hold space, rest, and feel, no toxic shame or performance.
I needed a full mental and bodily breakdown to learn that lesson. Or to un-learn it, because we are bombarded with the opposite everywhere. So just doing that feels like a rebellion.
It’s wild how revolutionary it feels to just be, rest, feel, and not chase improvement like a finish line. We’re not broken. We’re burnt out from performing worth.
Sometimes the hardest lessons come through the breakdown. But I'm so glad you finally unlearned to carry everyone else's expectations. Thank you for sharing your story, Maya.
Well these all resonated pretty hard. Thanks for sharing these. I've been unlearning them for quite some time now. It's good to know I'm not alone, and I'm not broken.
I can see myself in all of them, but especially #2. I retired in 2022, lost forty pounds with a personal trainer, then crashed and burned when I couldn't find another purpose. Living with a lot of anxiety right now - tense shoulders, feeling like I am wasting days as the end of life hovers. I am 63, so I expect there's more time, but that's not how my body feels about it. I have so far refrained from going with antidepressants, but I thought I would have worked through the panic. I THINK it's getting better. I also think COVID in 2023 did a number on my gut serotonin and vagus nerve. REALLY enjoying your substack.
And I hear you. Retirement usually comes with an identity crisis, especially when you’ve spent decades with structure, goals, and a clear sense of purpose. It makes total sense that losing that would make you anxious and stressed.
And congratulations on the incredible work you did with your trainer. It shows so much capacity for change, even if things feel tough right now. Antidepressants can be helpful, but it's also okay to want to navigate this with other supports. I'm glad you are feeling a little better, too.
Thank you again for being here and sharing your story. You’re not wasting your days, you're doing the hard work of living them with honesty. That matters more than it may feel right now.
I feel so seen and understood. Thank you for articulating what has been heavy inside of me for so long! I relate to all of the points, but especially to number one: the belief that love must be earned.
I'm so glad I could make you feel seen. That means so much to me.
And I hear you. The belief that love must be earned runs deep. It keeps running in the background without us even noticing. You're definitely not alone in feeling that.
Curious, how does this belief show up in your daily life?
Shame over feeling negative emotions -sadness and anger- I should always feel gratitude.
Always needing a problem to fix.
These 3 are super prevalent in my life and I work hard daily to rewrite all these scripts in my head. My nervous system is on high alert even though I am in no immediate danger.
It will take time, but I feel I am getting closer with each small step I take to not let these old ways take over.
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I admire your awareness so much.
Guilt, shame, and the constant drive to solve something, these are such deeply ingrained patterns, especially for those of us who grew up believing our worth was tied to doing and fixing.
It's amazing that you are working on rewriting these patterns. Takes so much strength. And you’re right: each small step is part of retraining it. You're getting closer. And those steps count, even when they don’t feel dramatic.
5 and 2. Feel guilty for doing nothing, except if I m by the river or ocean. then its nice, but in general, its the overachiever in me for sure needing to prove who I am to the world. pretty exhausting. Esp in this fast paced society. thats why I like the slower more simple paced societies like thailand, mexico, Ireland,Bosnia
We are not broken. We are tired of carrying expectations that disconnect us from our true self.
Healing begins not with fixing, but to just hold space, rest, and feel, no toxic shame or performance.
I needed a full mental and bodily breakdown to learn that lesson. Or to un-learn it, because we are bombarded with the opposite everywhere. So just doing that feels like a rebellion.
Absolutely.
It’s wild how revolutionary it feels to just be, rest, feel, and not chase improvement like a finish line. We’re not broken. We’re burnt out from performing worth.
Sometimes the hardest lessons come through the breakdown. But I'm so glad you finally unlearned to carry everyone else's expectations. Thank you for sharing your story, Maya.
Well these all resonated pretty hard. Thanks for sharing these. I've been unlearning them for quite some time now. It's good to know I'm not alone, and I'm not broken.
So glad these spoke to you, Sam. Unlearning is messy, slow, and powerful. You're definetly not alone. We’re in it together. 💛
I can see myself in all of them, but especially #2. I retired in 2022, lost forty pounds with a personal trainer, then crashed and burned when I couldn't find another purpose. Living with a lot of anxiety right now - tense shoulders, feeling like I am wasting days as the end of life hovers. I am 63, so I expect there's more time, but that's not how my body feels about it. I have so far refrained from going with antidepressants, but I thought I would have worked through the panic. I THINK it's getting better. I also think COVID in 2023 did a number on my gut serotonin and vagus nerve. REALLY enjoying your substack.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
And I hear you. Retirement usually comes with an identity crisis, especially when you’ve spent decades with structure, goals, and a clear sense of purpose. It makes total sense that losing that would make you anxious and stressed.
And congratulations on the incredible work you did with your trainer. It shows so much capacity for change, even if things feel tough right now. Antidepressants can be helpful, but it's also okay to want to navigate this with other supports. I'm glad you are feeling a little better, too.
Thank you again for being here and sharing your story. You’re not wasting your days, you're doing the hard work of living them with honesty. That matters more than it may feel right now.
I feel so seen and understood. Thank you for articulating what has been heavy inside of me for so long! I relate to all of the points, but especially to number one: the belief that love must be earned.
I'm so glad I could make you feel seen. That means so much to me.
And I hear you. The belief that love must be earned runs deep. It keeps running in the background without us even noticing. You're definitely not alone in feeling that.
Curious, how does this belief show up in your daily life?
Resting triggers instant guilt.
Shame over feeling negative emotions -sadness and anger- I should always feel gratitude.
Always needing a problem to fix.
These 3 are super prevalent in my life and I work hard daily to rewrite all these scripts in my head. My nervous system is on high alert even though I am in no immediate danger.
It will take time, but I feel I am getting closer with each small step I take to not let these old ways take over.
Thanks Akanksha.
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. I admire your awareness so much.
Guilt, shame, and the constant drive to solve something, these are such deeply ingrained patterns, especially for those of us who grew up believing our worth was tied to doing and fixing.
It's amazing that you are working on rewriting these patterns. Takes so much strength. And you’re right: each small step is part of retraining it. You're getting closer. And those steps count, even when they don’t feel dramatic.
Insightful. Needed this today.
I'm so glad you found this when you needed it, Carolyn.
5 and 2. Feel guilty for doing nothing, except if I m by the river or ocean. then its nice, but in general, its the overachiever in me for sure needing to prove who I am to the world. pretty exhausting. Esp in this fast paced society. thats why I like the slower more simple paced societies like thailand, mexico, Ireland,Bosnia