Stop Fixing Yourself. You’re Not a Problem to Solve

Let curiosity about who you become outshine the fear of who you’re not.

Photo by Pixabay

Last week, it was Diwali here.

And I had a beautiful time with family—cooking, decorating the house, eating my favourite Motichoor Ladoo (an Indian sweet), and watching fireworks light up the sky. I couldn't have asked for a better break!

But here’s the surprising part:

The moment I got back to work, I started feeling terrible.

Why?

Because I couldn’t focus, I typed a word, struggled, and blamed myself for struggling.

10 minutes into it, I shut the laptop down in frustration.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I should fix my concentration or what was wrong with me for not being productive. Then criticism shifted to how I needed more willpower and discipline.

In fact, I began feeling guilty for taking the time away.

That’s exactly what happens when you see yourself as a problem.

Every challenge, mistake, or opinion becomes “proof” that something’s wrong with you. And to silence the nagging doubt, you jump straight into “fix-it” mode.

If I’d given myself more time, I would have got back into my usual writing flow—which I did, once I let go of those harsh expectations.

The challenge is:

Self-criticism keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-repair.

The Cost of Never Feeling Enough

Progress is sweet.

It boosts your self-esteem, gives you a sense of purpose, and reduces worry about the future. Plus, striving to be better is fulfilling and empowering.

But when that drive comes from believing you're not good enough, it backfires.

The deep-seated doubt keeps you climbing up, never stopping to appreciate how far you’ve come.

And what happens next?

• You fixate on what you aren’t doing.

• Unresolved frustration builds up inside you.

• You measure yourself against impossible standards.

• You overanalyse your behaviour, searching for flaws.

• You feel unworthy of love if you don’t meet certain expectations.

Plus, the pressure to be perfect feeds negative self-talk, and you end up bullying yourself after every setback. Instead of allowing space for your imperfections, you keep pushing yourself to do more and be more.

A clinical intervention highlighted how individuals believe that being harsh on themselves keeps them grounded and motivates them to do better.

But in reality, this leads to heightened anxiety and unhelpful behaviours such as withdrawal or overcompensation.

Consider this:

Many people never feel at peace while obsessing over career growth and money. Or they consume one self-help book after another but never trust their potential.

The constant need to "fix" themselves spills into their relationships too. They adjust who they are to meet their partner's needs, feeling inadequate when they don’t.

The truth is:

Pursuing growth is empowering when you do it for the right reasons.

But if your intentions are off, it builds more doubt and uncertainty inside you.

As psychologist Anne Wilson Schaef puts it:

Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.

So, I ask you:

Is it worth it?

Is it worth staying stuck in the cycle of stress and fear?

---

Stop Overthinking Your Value

Who decided you must fit a perfect profile to be worthy?

It's an idea we've conditioned ourselves to believe. From a young age, we learn that making no mistakes, displaying the best behaviour and achieving results makes you deserving.

The reality is:

Flawlessness is like fairies. It doesn't exist.

The bright side?

You have the power NOW to challenge these unrealistic expectations.

Instead of obsessing over fixing yourself, ask: Whose standards am I trying to meet?

Sure, dream big. Work on your skills and mindset. But do it with curiosity, not fear.

You don’t need wins to prove your worth. Your capabilities and efforts attract the wins you’re looking for. And please stop blaming yourself for everything. It’s not all your fault. Step back, face reality, and trust that you're doing enough.

Self-acceptance isn’t about avoiding growth. It’s about embracing and learning from your mistakes, misjudgments, and difficult emotions.

It’s only when you stop searching for your flaws that you can shift your focus to making better choices and managing your triggers.

I can't emphasize this enough:

You’re not a problem to solve.

Yes, shedding years of conditioning takes time. But that’s no reason to not start today.

What matters most is what you believe about yourself. As long as those beliefs are limiting and hurtful, you’ll never feel at peace with yourself.

So, it’s time to create new beliefs.

• You’re enough as you are.

• Your value isn’t defined by productivity.

• You can learn and grow at your own pace.

Most importantly, you don’t need to ‘fix’ yourself to deserve love and acceptance.

Move forward with curiosity about who you become—rather than fear about who you’re not. And watch your confidence soar.

Remember:

Acceptance drives action. Criticism feeds shame.

Thank you for reading.

If you could let go of one self-critical thought, what would it be?

Let me know in the comments.

---

I publish this email weekly. If you would also like to receive it, join the community of people dedicated to taking another shot at life. This time, with self-love at the centre.

If you enjoyed this post, do share it with your friends! Or click the ❤️ button so others can find it too.🙏.